Top Five Mergers of All Time

Posted April 15, 2008 by Carl Unger

In case you've been living under a rock for the past 24 hours, let me get you up to speed on some big airline news: Delta and Northwest have agreed to merge, thus creating the world's largest airline.  The deal is still pending government approval and, like any other unfathomably large business transaction, it will take years for the whole thing to be truly finalized.  It's worth something like 20 bajillion dollars, and there are other very large numbers involved as well.

In honor of the day's news, I think it's worth listing off the five greatest mergers of all time.  As you'll see, these mergers are not limited to any one category (unless you know of a way to connect innovations in fine dining to mythical creatures), but each of these has, in some way, changed life as we know it.  Here we go!

5.  Breakfast for Dinner
There is nothing in the world like a big stack of pancakes or French toast at 8 o'clock at night.  Throw in some bacon and eggs and coffee, and you have a dinner fit for a king.  It's difficult to say why breakfast for dinner is so indulgent, but it is, just like eating ice cream for breakfast or watching daytime television when you're home "sick."


4.  The Minotaur
The merger of man and bull was brief, thanks to Theseus, but how cool would it be to have Minotaurs roaming the lands?  It would be terrifying, of course, because the Minotaur devoured Athenian boys and girls offered as sacrifice, but I think you'd be okay so long as you stayed out of sketchy looking labyrinths (which is generally good advice anyway).


3. The Twinkie-Wiener Sandwich
Allegedly created by Weird Al Yankovic in his (very underrated) film "UHF," the Twinkie-wiener sandwich is about as American as a sandwich can get.  Processed pastry-like substance meets processed meat-like substance to create a delicious, remarkably unhealthy gastronomic masterpiece.  Seriously, do you have any idea what you're actually putting in your mouth when you eat one of these?  Does it matter?  No, and no.

2. The Traveling Wilburys
This merger resulted in the supergroup to end all supergroups:  Tom Petty (!), Roy Orbison(!!), George Harrison (!!!), Bob Dylan (!!!!), and Jeff Lynne (…?).  Okay, I admit I had to Google Jeff Lynne when I read his name (he was in Electric Light Orchestra, which penned the classic tune, Evil Woman, and which should not be confused with Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem), but still, what a lineup.  And seriously, Jeff Lynne is a talented guy.


1. The smart car
One part automobile, one part golf cart, one part Rascal motor scooter, this merger is all about gas mileage. And being small.  And that's about it.  Still, while I'll happily poke fun at this little runt of a vehicle, I firmly believe in the smart car and its value to society.  Unless you're moving a couch, a baseball team, or several large boulders, you really don't need a Yukon Denali, OK?  All the average commuter/grocery shopper/Sunday driver needs is something about the size of a smart car.  Which is also about the size of a Radio Flyer Wagon.  Or a shoebox.



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Reader Comments

mmm... Brinner... Have you seen the Scrubs where Turk dips bacon in ice cream for his brinner dessert? It's deliciously disgusting.

Posted on April 15, 2008 at 04:17 PM by Erin

This list should be in reverse order. There's no way you can top pancakes for dinner!

Posted on April 16, 2008 at 11:28 AM by Dave

Shouldn't it be "Processed pastry-like substance meets processed meat-like substance meets processed cheese like substance meets coffee"? Regardless I think this isn't nearly as tasty as, say, a Red Snapper, or even an oatmeal coated marble.

Posted on April 16, 2008 at 11:29 AM by Chris

Chris, could that be a reference to "Wheel of Fish"?

Posted on April 16, 2008 at 12:10 PM by Carl

Are you ready, Weaver?

Posted on April 16, 2008 at 01:04 PM by A different Chris

I'd like to wash down my brinner with a drink from the firehose!

Posted on April 16, 2008 at 04:19 PM by Chris

i like this pix

Posted on April 27, 2010 at 02:07 PM by atallah hawthorne

Agree with you Dave. Pancakes are the king of all breakfasts.

Posted on January 08, 2011 at 01:07 PM by Billig Abonnement

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