Posted November 6, 2008 by Nicki Krawczyk
As tends to be the case lately, there’s been a big kerfuffle (a fluffy kerfuffle) about US Airways' plan to start selling blankets and pillows to flyers instead of just offering them for free. ( Jet Blue is already doing it.) I’ll be honest: I just don’t get the outrage at this one. Who wants to use some skeevy old blanket or pillow that’s been reused and drooled on by flight after flight of intra- and inter-continental strangers? I say, you people can keep your recycled germs. Bring on the sterile bedding.
There is, though, one more element to this little debate that seems to have been overlooked. Specifically, it’s the fact that no matter how hypo-allergenic your pillow may be, no matter how warm your fleecy blanket keeps you, you will not sleep on your flight. I can say this with more confidence than ever now, considering that ain’t nobody able to afford those ultra-platinum-class seats with the full-reclining bed in a plush cabin-of-cozy. Sorry, Emirates.
If you can afford to fly, you’re still going to be sardine-packed into your four-inch reclining seat. (Which goes with the territory. To all of those who are still complaining, I offer you a resounding “eh.”) You can read your book, listen to your iPod, and perhaps even enjoy in-flight entertainment in relative peace and comfort. But you will not—I repeat—will not sleep. The human body was not designed to sleep upright. Horses, sure. Flamingos, you bet. But not humans. Unless the airline starts pumping chloroform through those air vent thingies or mixing Ambien in with the ginger ale, there is absolutely nothing in this world or above it that will allow you to sleep.
Well, nothing … save one thing. If you get yourself all wrapped up tight in your new pillow and blanket and snug as a bug in a rug, request a copy of the airline’s policy on new charges and dig right in. It may just be the opiate a weary and fee-squeezed traveler needs to finally to catch a few furtive moments of sleep.
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