US Airways News

US Airways to Sell Blankets, Pillows, Chloroform. (OK, 2 Out of 3.)

Posted November 6, 2008 by Nicki Krawczyk

As tends to be the case lately, there’s been a big kerfuffle (a fluffy kerfuffle) about US Airways' plan to start selling blankets and pillows to flyers instead of just offering them for free. ( Jet Blue is already doing it.) I’ll be honest: I just don’t get the outrage at this one. Who wants to use some skeevy old blanket or pillow that’s been reused and drooled on by flight after flight of intra- and inter-continental strangers? I say, you people can keep your recycled germs. Bring on the sterile bedding.

There is, though, one more element to this little debate that seems to have been overlooked. Specifically, it’s the fact that no matter how hypo-allergenic your pillow may be, no matter how warm your fleecy blanket keeps you, you will not sleep on your flight. I can say this with more confidence than ever now, considering that ain’t nobody able to afford those ultra-platinum-class seats with the full-reclining bed in a plush cabin-of-cozy. Sorry, Emirates.

If you can afford to fly, you’re still going to be sardine-packed into your four-inch reclining seat. (Which goes with the territory. To all of those who are still complaining, I offer you a resounding “eh.”) You can read your book, listen to your iPod, and perhaps even enjoy in-flight entertainment in relative peace and comfort. But you will not—I repeat—will not sleep. The human body was not designed to sleep upright. Horses, sure. Flamingos, you bet. But not humans. Unless the airline starts pumping chloroform through those air vent thingies or mixing Ambien in with the ginger ale, there is absolutely nothing in this world or above it that will allow you to sleep.

Well, nothing … save one thing. If you get yourself all wrapped up tight in your new pillow and blanket and snug as a bug in a rug, request a copy of the airline’s policy on new charges and dig right in. It may just be the opiate a weary and fee-squeezed traveler needs to finally to catch a few furtive moments of sleep.

(Photo: www.seagnome.com)

Categories: US Airways News
Discussion: Comments (1)

US Airways Trashes Snacks

Posted May 28, 2008 by Zak Patten

My parents always told me not to fill up on junk food or I would ruin my appetite for dinner. That won't be such a problem the next time I fly US Airways, which according to the Philadelphia Business Journal, will be ending its snack service on June 1. We all know about the airlines' checked-bag fees and other cost-cutting measures by now, so it's not much of a shock to learn that the latest victim of high oil prices is a tiny, defenseless bag of pretzels.

Will we rise to the occasion and take on this new travel challenge? I hope so, and to aid in this noble endeavor, I'm proposing a number of solutions. They are as follows:

• Load up on your pre-flight calories. You won't go hungry if you are so full you have to waddle through the security line. A pint of Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby ought to do the trick.
• Make your trip a spiritual experience by fasting throughout the day. If you don't eat anything at all, you'll purify your body and mind while saving money. By the time you reach your destination, you'll be enlightened. Not to mention very, very hungry.
• BYOS. Yep, bring your own snacks to the party. I recommend trail mix consisting of one part peanuts, one part raisins, and four parts M&Ms. Hey, it's gonna be a long flight.
• Mooch. This is in many ways the easiest solution. You don't have to hit the store or some expensive airport eatery beforehand, so you'll save money there. And you won't need to carbo-load prior to takeoff or adopt monk-like discipline. Nope, just strike up a conversation with your neighbor and make a few friendly remarks about how delicious his/her food looks. If your fellow passenger doesn't take the hint, let a few drops of drool hit your armrest. They'll either run away or offer to share their goodies. Either way, you're getting something to eat.

(Photo: eggenet.de)

Categories: US Airways News
Discussion: Comments (0)